Avast! If ye be new to this vessel, partake in the lootin' with our Arrrrh! S.S. (RSS), Matey!

This cigar cutter & case from Hermes just might be enough to make you feel like a CEO who just closed a big business deal, even if you’re a jobless hobo. It’s made from stainless steel and features a natural barenia leather case. $435.

Show your ignorant friends that you’re down with the Metric System with this APC Doubled Centimetre Bracelet. You can use it to b*tchslap people who can’t convert inches to cm, or you can show hot European chicks how long you are in a way that they can understand. It’s made from 100% nubuck leather with embossed measurements. $55.

This Squid iPhone Case looks more like a phallic symbol to us than a squid, but that might just be our dirty pirate minds at work. Feel protected as you slip your (iPhone) unit into this tight velvety sheath. Yeah, we’re hopeless… But at least the iPhone Case does the job! $25.

This seems to be the Wii’s first real attempt at dabbling in the sandbox genre of video games (i.e. Grand Theft Auto).

In No More Heroes, you’re some sort of hired assassin character that goes around kicking ass with your “Beam Katana” which seems to be a knockoff lightsaber. If only the game let you use Jedi Mind Tricks on Japanese schoolgirls, now that would be something. $50.

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Make Sting proud with the Tantra Chair, which happens to be inspired by a woman’s shape and body. It was designed to heighten the effectiveness of wild sexual positions found in the Kama Sutra. The Tantra Chair is built from solid hardwood and features a champagne foam seat cushion with two arcs (one being bigger than the other) and a central contour for the switching of angles for both support and pleasure. $1000.

Take innuendo back to the old school with the Nintendo “I’d Hit That!” T-Shirt. You don’t necessarily have to go head first into things like Mario did, but let the ladies know that you’re money and that you wanna party. $22.

Many of us have that favorite pair of kicks that we would like to protect as well as display. Japanese designer, Nao has given us a 100% plexiglass shoe box to show off our Holy Grail Sneakers. €65.

That’s right, it must be such an easy job that even a monkey can do it. Have an exquisite cup of tea that happens to be picked by trained tea-bagging tea-loving monkeys. We can’t attest to the tea being free of monkey droppings, but we can say that each package is about 28 servings of the finest loose tea you’ll ever taste. $25.