Avast! If ye be new to this vessel, partake in the lootin' with our Arrrrh! S.S. (RSS), Matey!

Need a cheap and easy bed for the guest room? Or maybe you’re sick of your current lumpy mattress and want a quick fix. Well this queen size bed includes a pump which pumps the bed full of air very quickly, and when fully pumped, it stands at a full 22 inches, which makes you feel like your in a real bed. The bed can be stored inside a duffel bag, packaged along with the bed, for easy portability. Self inflating girlfriend not included. $48.

If you can’t get your fix at the local strip club, this may well be the next best thing. This Pole Dancer Alarm Clock lets you wake up each morning to the sight of the pole dancing blonde. Just don’t let us catch you leaving any $1 bills under the clock’s bottom. $40.

The Lava Lamp Night Light from ThinkGeek combines the mesmerizing quirkiness of a 60’s lava lamp with the usefulness of a night light to illuminate those dark corners of your room.

The Lava Lamp Night Light looks great plugged into any wall outlet. A flip of the switch and science takes over. The wax is slightly denser than the oil it lives in, at room temperature that is. Once the light is on and the wax starts to heat up, it becomes slightly less dense than the oil and it rises (and then drops as it cools).

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Yeah, it’s overpriced, but the Air Traffic Control Pillow sure is cool. Sold by Japanese toy-loving Super7 magazine, the pillow is 18-inches square and comes in a great light blue and brown design. $70.

A lot of people enjoy watching TV in their beds. So it is probably a good idea to attach a TV to the bed. The Ultimate TV Bed is a super luxury bed that comes with a built-in flat screen television set. When you press the wireless remote, the end of the bed will open up and a 22 Inch flat screen TV will glide out so you can enjoy your favorite programs from the comfort of your own bed. $25,900.

When using this motorized head massager, you feel like thousands of tiny fingers simultaneously massaging your scalp and soothe your body. You can simply place this motorized head massager on your head and feel the tension miraculously leave your body. This massager is suitable for any age. Its rechargeable battery makes it totally portable and easy to use anytime and anywhere. $50.

The Computer Bed is suitable for people who live in rooms with tight space or students in dorms. It combines a computer desk with a bed, very useful and practical. When the bed is folded away, the computer desk is ready for use. Euro FlyingBeds has it in five colours: white, maple, walnut, cherry and wenge for $2079 a piece.

Do you want to improve your sex life? Grab this, Lovers Cushion. It is made with an innovative ergonomic construction which increases muscle comfort during *beep* penetration *beep*, allowing for protection of tailbone and hip. It is also increasing the likelihood of insemination. When usng this anatomically designed Loer’s Cushion, men get a deeper and more sensual penetration and women get a more fulfilling and stimulating experience. Lovers Cushion is made of medium firm rubber. $40.